His Great Love

i haven't been blogging the past couple days.. I really been pouring all of my spare timei into painting. Coming up this space at GATE 403 I suprised myself at the amount of space there is and am doubting how much work I really have.. Soo... that leaves me painting like a mad woman. Which of course means lots of time talking to God as paintings emerge before me. Funny when I paint, I really don't think much about what I am doing, I just paint and talk to God, hours pass and there is a painting infront of me. I am always suprised as a resolution to something or conclusion or just the finishing of a conversation comes to a close, so does the piece.

Last night I found myself working furiously for hours, and found myself painting myself into a very in a very angry place, an incident that happened nearly 4 years ago now. God has been speaking to me about exposure. Bringing light to all the dark areas, pulling the crap out of my closets, cleaning the floors and dusting (see earlier blogs.) So last night here I stand, covered in paint, in my basement angry, yelling at this person who hurt me, pouring my whole heart into saying all the things I want to say, the things I hold back. I am mad at myself for being vulnerable, for allowing myself to be in such a position and How changed i am because of it. I stop.. I realize what I am doing and I sound like a crazy person. Tears streaming down my face can't believe how upset i am... It was so long ago. I had no idea this was so strong inside of me but painting has brought me into this place. It is a place of the unconcious, a place of vulnerability, a place where healing happens. I step back and look at this hurt girl sitting before me, Jesus where were you? He shows me.

I cry at the thought of this.. what an amazing moment. Afraid, last night I think I leave this thought, this place and move onto something else pretty quickly but I return to it today perhaps ready to listen, ready to believe truth... I know that that is Him pursuing me with His love. There is never a moment where He stops pursuing you with His Love. Even when we are afraid, even when we are hurt, have been hurt he was there, you just have to ask him, picture the moment of pain, the room, the place, run it like a movie, and ask Jesus where are you? Look around the room in that space of pain, He will show you and just wait. for me he was sitting on there stairs watching, then walked over and held me, & shielded me. He will show you where He is and reveal His Heart, the truth to you. In all of this i am still sitting, learning but i know Jesus has incredible revelations for us and wants to keep pulling the crap out from under the beds. This is a season of exposure. I think that creates a season of healing. Healing hearts, minds, bodies which really is pretty exciting.

I'm not even sure why I write this. Maybe just to get it out. maybe just to say that there is hope for healing. maybe just a demonstration the power of painting/creating and that God uses everything and has great big plans for each of us and it is His heart to just love us.

ohhh it has been a morning of exhaustion, dr's appt, driving around like busy bees. Little man went down for a nap and as soon as he did I bolted to the kitchen to clean the whole thing top to bottom as it seems a bomb went off in there and the rest of the house for that matter. So for 2 hours I cleaned that kitchen, did the dishes, mopped the floor, cleaned all the bottles and got ready for jacks lunch. Lunch turned into a fight, this little guy seems to resist food every chance he gets the past few days (very unlike him, b/c he is a great eater). Being a grumpy rump I clean up lunch, put him down to the floor b/c he is freaking in his highchair, he takes a big D and is a happy dude all over again. While I continue on my way cleaning up all around I pick up the bowl of spaghetti he barely touched, i slip.... and I see it all in slow motion, the bowl slips out of my finger and flies through the air landing on the floor, and splattering tomato sauce and tiny bits of Baby sized pasta all over my clean kitchen. arrrg!!

busy bee 2011

ahhh seems I am back to myself, pushing full speed ahead, wanting more!! I am already planning 2011. Hunting down art shows, venues, stores, oppertunities!! At the same time i can't but think if I am nuts?? I feel sooo strongly this year to pay it forward. Give back. I want to donate, start fundraisers, be involved! I will be involved so far with 3 auctions to raise money for different causes. And so far I also have booked 1 art festival, 1 solo show, lots of live painting, hopefully some teaching and currently putting together proposals for a couple major shows i'd REALLY like to be accepted into. I don't want to overbook myself and go crazy like i have other years, (in the past I did 26 venues in one year! ugggh so tiring!) But I want to be out there again! I want to be involved and i am motivated. So here I continue booking, organizing, researching, writing lesson plans and whats on my heart. I have a good feeling about this year.. i guess we'll just see.

Solo Show @ Gate 403

I booked this nearly a year ago and I thought it kinda fell through the cracks. But to my surprise it didn't! i will be showing a solo show at Gate 403 (located at 403 Roncesvalles Avenue, Toronto) for the month of December. It is an upper scale piano bar close to High Park. I was pretty excited to have a venue so excited about my work and book me only days after sending them my work. The lady said 'where did you come from!?' this is always nice to hear!! The have requested my Jazz series, seeing as they are a Jazz bar. I am hoping for some good feedback and maybe some sales!
If you are in the area, check it out! My work will be there from December 1 - January 3rd.

What's in a name?

I had a lovely friend Sheri ask what does my new company greenpear creative mean? Hmm i must admit, it is a name that has been in my heart for a while. I never really thought about what it meant. But as I do believe God has purpose for EVERYTHING I started to ask. What does this mean? Instantly I got the words Growth, journey, GOOD fruit. and saw a picture of my grandmothers backyard and the delicious pear trees we soooo enjoy.


Pear - A pear, down to the shape, I see as the shape of a pregnant woman, pregnant with new gifts, maternal, bountiful, birthing new life, new creative ideas.

a pear..


a pregnant woman, see pretty close!

A pear, my favourite fruit, I could eat these all day if I had a chance. The tree, the pear tree is a low hanging tree, easy to access, and to enjoy for everyone and live a very long time!


and of course Ahhh my grandma's pear tree... (again, God giving me object lessons) They are tall, not huge but reap an incredible harvest (with age they will grow and grow and grow!) Every year, we we wait patiently watching these pears grow, and the tree get taller, as everything else came into season, the pear was a bit later but my goodness, it was worth it!! It would grow these delicious, chubby pears, full of flavour, vibrant colour and were used for everything! eaten fresh, made with jams and canning, spread to our family, our friends, The trees would overflow with incredible fruit.

Green is the color of nature . It symbolizes growth, harmony, freshness, and fertility. Green has great healing power. It is the most restful color for the human eye; it can improve vision. Green suggests stability and endurance. Green indicates growth and hope. Green, has strong emotional correspondence with safety and it is the color of free passage in road traffic. (meaning GO! walk boldly!) Olive green is the traditional color of peace.

I want to be a person, and a company i want all f this!! and one that is full, ripe, delicious, and produces an abundance of great fruit. I want to be used for everything, shared with everyone, and used for many different things. I want to create opportunity, community and walk boldly in His calling for me. That doesn't just mean painting. Creative - is to cover all of the basis really, i don't want to be boxed by one word, but use one that expresses all of me and everything I want and desire to do. I want to create without borders with an overflow of fresh, peaceful, good fruit.

greenpear creative... what's in a name... a lot more than we originally see.

the birth of THE GREENPEAR!!

oooo aaaahhh look at me I feel so grown up.

It is official, I am a BUISNESS OWNER! hah i know it is silly b/c all it is is registering a name but still... but it is a new chapter, and that quite exciting for me! I have lots of ideas, lots of things I want to do,
and.. it's just the beginning!

I was writing an email today and my heart kind of splattered out in the email. Things became quite clear. I just wanted to share. i am so excited about what God has been doing in me...

'my heart aches, Passions of my heart that God put there so long ago that i was once excited about have been lying dormant for years, forced to stay quiet are stirring and for the first time in a long time, and I want these things again.

I still feel so strongly to lay it down,it's not my battle. God just tells me to continue to paint for and with Him. No one can steal my worship, or my heart.. It's not about recognition anyway, it's just about Him, and painting His heart for me, for us. 'paint the pictures I show you heather, I have purpose for all of them.' How can I doubt what he wants to do with me, when he tells me something like that? I believe he has purpose, he has big plans, and even if no one knows my name they will see Him and what He is doing, because it's all for His Glory.

I am excited for release. Its not only going to happen in painting but all of the arts, in worship, it's not like anything anyone has seen or even imagined it could be. I am excited for Him to just do so many incredible things and release a freedom and abandonment in worship that we never even knew was possible. Yeaaaah Papa, let heaven come down. '

The Wrong green..

Grrr. now here is where i get frustrated. I have painted the wrong green. What an incredible colour on my wall, but not what i want, not for this room.

So... this leaves me standing.. what does this mean.. other than it is the wrong green, is there more to it? Painting boldly.. can you paint the wrong green, if so, do i have to start all over? I am trying not to read too far into this other than, it is simply the wrong shade, it happens to everyone but still cannot help but wonder.

The past few days have been strange, since painting the wrong green. I decided to see if i can live with it a few days and didn't paint it out quite yet. I have been irritable, sad, frustrated. Felt bugged that it took me so long to pick this colour and it was slightly wrong and now i have to start all over. how silly is that? just over painting a wall.. I'm sure this has to do with something deeper. The reaction is too extreme for just painting the wrong colour. i'll think about that some more. anyway, I think that I found it now, i have purchased a new green, I'm attempting to paint again.

So i Continue on with my little DIY project of my living room! I bought some great fabrics to make pillows and today started to prime my painting for the piece of the room. I'm thinking about photography and how this room is going to come together. I know I have a tendency to jump 5 steps ahead of where I am standing but cannot help to think of where it will all end up and get excited. So in that I hear really quickly to not wish away the moment but enjoy the process... b/c there is great importance in the preparation period. so for now I am ENJOY THE PROCESS and keeping my eyes, hears and heart open to learn more about preparation.

The Living Room Project

As I am about to start my second coat of paint I realize that my living room is not a one day project. This in not going to happen overnight. Though the colour on the wall may change dramatically and quickly the rest will take time. Pulling the entire vision together. Sewing pillows, painting new pieces, looking for the right accessories.

Funny how in life we almost expect God to change everything over night. we see a hint of the beginning and are so eager to see the entire thing completed. For me my green wall is just a glimps of what my room will look like and what God wants to do. I think it is just the start. And like a room takes time to put together, so will His plans for me.

Paint Boldly 2

Soo... I did it. Someone said to me, what are you waiting for, just get out that brush and go for it. so I got out a brush and painted the wall.. As soon as I did it, I thought it was a mistake. I was so dissapointed, a colour that has been in my mind for years, something I thought I really wanted and now I thought it looks all wrong. I got Luke, 'eeeek' I said 'it's wrong isn't it?' - 'hmm' he said 'I thought it would be darker.. I don't think that's right... - oh wait.. maybe.. hmm, i don't know. meh just paint it, and we'll see what it looks like, it might surprise us and be exactly what we wanted'

So Here I continue painting my main living space... but as I paint i keep hearing, paint boldly heather, Paint Boldly. Just like the paint chip for this colour, there are 'colours' that i have adored lying dormant in my heart for years, they are bold, courageous, outside of the box. There are so many Hopes, dreams, ideas that i want to pursue but I have been afraid to make that first stroke, let alone paint the entire wall. I'm afraid of what it might look like to others or even to myself. Will people think I'm strange, will it be well received? What if it's not what I expected and i hate it...

Paint boldy, heather Paint boldly. Right now brings tears to my eyes. It pokes me in a soft spot in my heart that needs to be pressed. 'You are more than a conqueror.' this has been on my hearts for months (well, really for years). God pushing me, challenging me, to live open, to live boldly, to be unafraid of what He's doing in me and what He wants to do with me. He has been stirring me, changing me, teaching me, preparing me. It's time to step into change. 'It's time' i heard today.. The timing is right, and it was His timing all along. It's time to step into wholeness, clarity, calling. There is a reason why my room is Green. It was so that he could speak to me about exactly this on this day. So that he could speak to me about Boldness, He placed that colour in my heart years ago to show me that the desires in me were were placed deep in me a loong time ago and that he planned the timing of all of this. and even when I'm not sure what they will look like with that first stroke, I might be afraid, but if i follow through paint boldy, I will see His vision and He knows exactly how great it will be in the end.

ps. this colour is growing on me, the more i painted the more i liked it. i am looking at in different lights today, but i think it will look great and I love it.

PAINT BOLDLY!

Grab a brush and GO AT IT!!!
Why does this feel so hard!!??? What is she talking about?? Paint Boldly I hear, Paint boldly.

Yesterday I finished all the organization and cleaning of my room!! my bedroom, with other than some final touches, accessorizing and detailing I am done and my peaceful oasis awaits. Last night Luke and i just sat in there, all night, played with the baby, read stories and just rested. Weird, we have never done that in our room. Luke said strange it feels like a place that I want to enjoy not just 'sleep' or sleep in. it feels peaceful, enjoyable. I agree. I am trying to figure out what room this is in my life, what is complete? What did God change?

So that means the living room is next. My main living space. STRANGE I was really excited to finish our bedroom, to gut it, to clean out the closets and under the bed and I am so excted to FINALLY paint our living room (there isn't anything hiding though.. everything is out in the open). It has been a looong process to pick the colour. I have never had a problem with colour or picking colours but for some reason this room has been intimidating. but I did it. GREEN yes green, not sage, or mint, i mean GREEN like bamboo. Since we have been married I have wanted to paint a room green, I have never done it. I went out yesterday and bought the paint, the brushes, the tray, for some reason I am having trouble making that first stroke. SO BOLD. It is a complete change to my main living space. So what does this represent in me? What is my main living space that God is wanting to freshen, and paint a bold GREEN? Green symbolizes growth. that's a good thing. so why am i afraid?

(Boldly step into growth Heather, into change. Don't be afraid b/c it's gonna be alot better in the end. Trust me with your rooms, I am the best interior decorator around. ♥papa)

stuff

have you ever noticed how much 'STUFF' you accumulate over the years?
I am in the midst of a deep clean in our house, but especially my room. Since I can remember i have been overrrun my clothes, and since we moved here, it has never really been sorted out or had any space for. I take over every closet, every storage space, every nook & cranny I can find and shove it with 'STUFF'. Really Stuff can be anything, from clothes, to art suplies, to projects, things I think I'll need int he future, things from my childhood, memories, blah blah blah. I think I have the tendencies to be a bit of a hoarder, that's wht clean outs like this are nessisary. Clothing seems to get dumped often. No matter how many garbage bags (yes garbage bags!) I give away to salvation army it seems 6 months later there are still more! So this time I have paired right down. I want all my things to fit in my closet and drawers. Now more extra piles that lay around the room that don't fit in the closet, or the extra 2 or 3 loads of laundry that aren't in there. All my stuff needs to fit in my space.

I had a dream a couple months back about our house. There was sooo much to this dream and has really been an amazing encouragement to Luke and I . It often comes up in my mind and God starts to show me new things about it. Lately one thing that has been coming up was a room that was for me, it represented my creativity. Though packed to the ceiling, everything had it's place. it was so well utilized. It was beautiful and organized. When moving into this house my #1 priority was organization. Well it never happened and I have kinda just been living in a 1/2 mess (especially in our room that has become the dumping zone) since. So. I wish I had a before pic of some kind but i don't. Project MY ROOM. Has commenced and I am determinded to live in a peaceful organized space and I am starting with our room. I read that if you have a peaceful space you are actually less stressed and sleep better, function better. Well that makes a ton of sense to me and ready to start living in peace. Life with a new baby is hectic enough, I need to feel like i have a place of rescue.

Ready to start Living in Peace..

Since homes represent Life, I am just loving all the symbolism in all of this deep cleaning. Just like God speaks to me in the Garden, he is speaking to me in my organizing & cleaning, and doing a big dump it in me. Pulling out all the things hiding under beds, in the back of closets and rearranging things in my house. He is cleaning, detailing, washing the walls, giving the floor a good scrub, dusting and repainting, rearranging, putting things back some in the same and some in new places. He is creating beautiful spaces in me, everything in the light, tossing the stuff and keeping the useful productive, good fruit in my life. Often when throwing things out/donating hem to salvation army, I have a second thought, do I really need this? Could i use it again? This time is feeling different, i just want it out for good never to return. I think in me I am making the same decisions. Finally throwing out things I have been holding onto, like unforgiveness or jealousy/envy. I am choosing to empty hidden boxes & live organized and in the light. I am ready to start living in peace.

Getting rid of 'stuff' feels amazing, I can't wait to finally be done and see how we both turn out.